I know there was a fairly recent blog article similar to this a while back, and I don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes with it. But after a few weird encounters at a recent convention, I really wanted to throw my two cents into the ring.
So, here are some things I’ve had said to me/said to friends, or seen said to other costumes. Most of these things aren’t meant to be rude, but they can absolutely come off as rude, so I wanted to offer up some alternate ideas to the same thought-process. Some of these things ARE meant to be rude, though, and there’s no helping that.
(And as a note, all of these refer to interactions with STRANGERS – if you’re friends with someone, obviously your interactions are going to be pretty different.)
1. “This detail of your costume is wrong.”
You could try: “Nice job!” or nothing.
There’s no need to point it out. 99% of the time, the costumer already knows it’s wrong. Money, time or circumstance may have forced them to alternate plan, or they are just not interested in attempting a prop/costume part/elaborate wig they know is out of their skill level or budget. Sometimes people dress up for fun (shocker, I know) and spending $200 on a custom styled wig is not in the cards, or time ran out, or real life got in the way. You never know someone else’s circumstances.
Also, disguising this as a “constructive criticism” isn’t really helpful when someone is wearing a costume they’ve already finished. Pointing out an incorrect seam placement isn’t going to help anyone at that point, except maybe the commenter’s own ego.
2. “Your costume would be better if…”
You could try:: “Your costume is great; are you considering getting a wig in the future?” or nothing.
Pointing out something someone could have done better is fine IF the costumer asked for constructive criticism. But that’s pretty much the only time.
Again, you never know someone’s circumstances. Or, it just doesn’t matter to them as much as it matters to you. As a costumer, it’s especially frustrating to hear something like this when you think you’ve done your very best – and then someone comes along and tells you what they think is wrong with it. It’s a huge downer.
Consider the problem – is it something fixable? Is it worth mentioning? If the situation is right to bring it up, do it in a friendly manner, and pad it out with some positive points of the costume. But, preferably, say nothing and move on with your life.
3. ANY comment about a cosplayer’s body – ie, “BOOBS!”
You could try: “You look great in that costume.”
Commenting on a photo with “BOOBS” or yelling “Nice t**s!” (sorry, trying to avoid unwanted google search hits, LOL) is more about the commenter’s selfishness than actually commenting on ANYTHING to do with the costume, the picture or the person. And when you get mad, they wonder why you can’t take a compliment? Because it’s not a compliment to start with!!
(And don’t think I’m just saying it’s men saying this to women – the street goes both ways.)
If you genuinely want to tell someone their body looks amazing in a costume, there are TONS of nicer ways to do it that won’t make a person want to ban you from their site or report you to security. “You look great in that costume.” “You wear that costume very well.” “You are in amazing shape!”
I realize the people who make these kind of comments aren’t looking for a nicer way to do it. But for those of you who are perhaps on the fence, we costumers like to feel happy and proud of our hard work, rather than feeling like we need to take a shower.
4. “You’re the best (character) ever!”
You could try: “You’re my favourite (character) I’ve seen,” or even better, just: “I love your costume. You look amazing.”
I know some are saying, “what? why wouldn’t you say this to a cosplayer?” and honestly, it IS a nice thing to hear. The problem with it? It draws a line in the community, leaving one person on a pedestal and the rest as the “losers.” As I’ve gotten older and made more friends and gotten more entrenched in the community, the less I like hearing it. I’ve personally witnessed this phrase being said to a costumer – while they were standing next to another costumer dressed as the exact same character. Tactless.
The phrase creates un-needed drama and tension between cosplayers. Switching to, “you are my favourite (character) ever!” is a little better, it’s a more personalized version of the same sentiment. But even better? Just a really nice compliment on the costume. You can heap praise on someone without slighting others.
5. “I made/I have a friend with that costume, mine/theirs is better.”
You could try: “I made that costume too! I love how you made your armor!” or “My friend has that costume, too! You both look great!”
I honestly can’t believe these words can even come out of someone’s mouth! But I’ve seen it in person. A person came up to my cousin and told him she had a similar prop to his at home – only hers was better. What in the world??
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they’re maybe just awkward. But this is not a way to make friends. Even if you DO think your or your friend’s costume is better, don’t bring it up. There’s no need to turn a conversation into a competition.
6. “I have a photography set-up in my hotel room, want to come get some photos?”
You could try: “Will you be around later? I can run go grab my gear, I’d love to do a shoot with you in this public park area.”
No, no, no. This is such a creepy thing to say to someone you just met. Nobody wants to go back to your hotel room, or to your house, or meet you in some secluded area alone.
If you’re serious about wanting to get some nice shots, bring your photography to the costumer, not the other way around. Stay in public areas and don’t try to separate a costumer from their friends.
We costumers realize that you’re PROBABLY not trying to murder us, but if you say stuff that’s creepy like, “come to my hotel room,” well, it doesn’t help your case.
7. “I didn’t know (character) was so short/tall/fat/skinny/black/white/etc.”
You could try: NOTHING remotely like this.
Oh god. What the hell. Why do people say this stuff? I see it all the time online and I’ve seen it in person, too. I’ve gotten it myself once or twice.
Every single one of us knows we are not built exactly like a cartoon character, or like artwork or like a video game render! We dress up because we LIKE that character, or that series, or sometimes just the costume. It’s rare that a costumer chooses a character ONLY because they LOOK like them.
I’m not tall enough to be Wonder Woman. Nor do I look anything like most of the “real” characters I do – I don’t look a damn thing like Natalie Portman. I didn’t choose to make Padme costumes because I think I do. There are all kinds of fans out there. All ages, all races, all abilities and shapes and sizes. Why should we limit ourselves to one little box of characters that perhaps suit our physical selves? Costuming is about being something more than ourselves – not finding a character that is us, exactly.
There’s no “nicer” version of this I can suggest. Even if I could, most of the people who spout this kind of stuff aren’t going to stop doing it. However there’s a few people out there who try to be funny or think they’re being helpful by bringing this up – so to them I’ll say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, just sit down and shut up.
8. Blank stares or weird responses after running into a costumer, or stepping on their costume, or just conversation in general.
Try instead: “Excuse me!” if you’ve run into or stepped on them. “Nice talking to you!” if you don’t have anything else to say.
I can’t believe how many people just stare at you after running into you or stepping on you. I had it happen multiple times recently, and it wasn’t that I was in the way or it was a crowded area. Somebody just stepped on me because they weren’t paying attention, and then just stared at me when I made eye contact with them. Really?
I get that conventions are crowded places, and us costumers are often wearing something silly that doesn’t help the crowding. But every single one of us tries our best to stay out of the way. There are times that someone stepping on a long train or running into a shoulder pauldron are going to happen, and sometimes it’s our own fault. But if YOU run into a costumer, a quickly muttered “sorry” is fine. A “Excuse me!” is great. A “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mess anything up, did I?” is amazing.
Just staring at us and flouncing off when it was your fault? That’s rude.
It’s also weird and awkward to ask a costumer a question, get an answer, and then just stare at them. Or say, “oh.” Again, I get awkward conversationalists. I am one. But surely you can come up with something better than staring or “oh.”
9. “Where can I buy that?”
Try instead: “I love your costume, did you make it or buy it?”
We’re very glad you like our costume and that you think it looks professional enough that we bought it – and that’s totally cool you want one just like it. But, when you walk up to a costumer and blurt out, “Where can I buy that costume/prop/wig/etc?” it immediately reduces their hours of hard work to a quick click and purchase of a mass-produced item. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone just grab part of my costume and demand to know where I bought it.
There are just nicer ways to go about it. Asking first if they made it our bought it is the best step. If they bought it, great – they’re probably glad to share the website or seamstress/artist/prop creator’s name. And if they made it themselves, they’ll probably be glad to trade contact info with you if they’re open to doing commission work. If they’re not open to making items for other people, don’t take that as being rude. Some people just aren’t comfortable with it, or don’t have the time. I personally try to keep a mental list of which of my friends do commission work, so I can shuttle interested people over to them and give them the business!
10. “I hate you.” “You suck.” “You’re ugly.”
Try instead: Nothing.
I’ve literally had people come up to my face and say, “I hate you.” And no it’s not me personally. It’s the character I’m dressed up as. Let’s separate fantasy from reality here. I am not the living embodiment of the character you despise. I’m a real actual person, and one you don’t know. Saying “I hate you,” is an awful conversation starter and it’s not going to get you many friends. Go find somebody dressed as a character you DO like and talk to them, and just let the rest of us go about our con!
And then there’s the people who just want to troll you. Not worth your time and obviously there’s nothing I can suggest to these kind of people, except to ignore them.